30 Things I Think I Have Learned at 30
AGE.
It happens to all of us. There’s no point running from age — age is faster. More athletic. It has really lean calves.
So, rather than try to outrun the thing, I’m going to take a moment to just reflect on what I will call “30 learnings.” I won’t go so far as to call them “lessons”, because they’re not all very useful, but they are all things that my brain has absorbed over the course of the last 30 years of being alive.
Are they all useful? To me, yes. To you, maybe. Let’s just say my favourite moments writing for this blog are when I get to picture myself as a wise elder passing on pearls of wisdom to an audience of attractive younger people, like when I wrote about the three P’s of Graphic Design. So please, gather round — I have many pearls. Just so, so many pearls.
Listen to your gut
As true for indigestion as it is for vague generalities. We are all born with a secret sense for bad decisions, whispered at us from somewhere in the general direction of our stomach. Listen to those whispers — they hold sage wisdom.If you’re feeling a bit weird, go for a walk
Or have a biscuit. Or sleep it off. Look, weirdness is a disease and the cure lies somewhere within these three options. Walk, biscuit, sleep. Combine all three if you can afford it. Thirty years of experience has taught me that most biscuits eventually lead to a nap anyway.If it’s a terrible day and you’re having a terrible time, just call it bedtime
Just rush for that bed. This day is a wash — why delude yourself into thinking you have the power to un-wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Have a biscuit, go to sleep, and start over.There’s nothing wrong with eating the same thing every day
I know there are supposed “medical professionals” out there saying exactly the opposite of this, but in my thirty years I’m pretty sure I’ve read at least five or six articles written by 100-year-old women who have flatly refused to change their diet, and I’m convinced they’re onto something.
I mean, they might just be lying for attention — old people are known to be liars — but as a future old person myself, I say just let me eat my tuna salad in peace.Stop letting yourself be judged for eating gross food
Speaking of tuna, my all-time favourite food is tuna mixed with salad cream, and I don’t want to hide this anymore. Drown me in Heinz & John West and call it a day. I won’t be silenced any longer, and neither should you for whatever gross thing you eat.If a boy likes you, you’ll know
Contrary to popular opinion, artists are real people who also deal with real life problems like everyone else, which means I’m allowed to talk about those too. Here’s the truth: if you have to ask friends or Google whether or not a boy is interested in you, you’ve already admitted that he probably isn’t. If you’re considering hiring a psychic or learning Tarot to find out, then he definitely isn’t. I know. I’m sorry.Trusting people is a fool’s game
Alright, that’s definitely a little extreme; life is a bit more complicated than the jagged implications of your average Taylor Swift song. I just mean that it’s a nice idea to be nice and open with everyone right off the bat and expect them to do the same. Unfortunately, some people are just arseholes. They ruin it for everyone. So, yeah; stay v i g i l a n t.Spend more time with your family if you can
I wish I could go back and sit at the dinner table with my grandparents again and eat overboiled vegetables and fish fingers. That terrible episode of whatever it was on CBBC can probably wait.Only if you like your family though
Saying that, if you don’t see eye to eye with your family, it is ok to dial it back. Protect your peace. Maybe that CBBC episode can’t wait.Not everyone can wear black.
Brown tights are also available. If you ever feel like you look washed out or sallow, this might be the problem. I mean, zero judgement from me, wear whatever you like; this is more of a reminder for me. For the love of god, remember, Laura!Go to whatever event you committed to first
My Mum drilled this one in when I was young, and I think it’s still universal. I don’t care if the first thing you book is the most boring event in the world and the second thing is a private dinner with Olivia Colman. You’re going to that boring event, and you’re just going to have to ask Mdm. Colman to reschedule. She seems nice enough, I’m sure she’ll understand.Book things in advance.
Ignore their insistence that it’ll all work out — you’ve been cold and underfed too many times in your life already. Don’t let this be another one of those times.If you want something to happen and it doesn’t already exist, you have to make it happen
I know this advice runs the risk of creating a serial killer or something — “Oh, finally, the sign I was looking for! I did want the bodies of the innocent to fall like fresh snow and now I’ll make it happen! Thanks Laura!”
I’m very sorry. Is it too late to qualify this one? Yes? Well then. Let's move on.There is no grown-up waiting to tell you off
Remember: You are the grown-up. If someone tells you off, you just tell them off right back. On the flipside, you’ll also need to be telling yourself off going forward.Nobody is more important than you
People can be equally important, but don’t let a job status or people with more experience talk to you poorly.
I’m sorry, this one probably wasn’t very funny. Let me try again with the next one.Learn to read
Nothing more helpful than reading advice written in text and hidden halfway into a lengthy listicle. You know I mean “read more books” here, right? Yes, I know you can read.It’s OK to ask questions
It’s better to be thought of as stupid for asking a question than to just not understand something. Look, I know a lot of us have trauma from school where that one teacher, Mr Dowdy, singled us out as stupid for asking a stupid question. That’s just something we need to get over. No, I don’t know why some teachers are jerks to literal children.Networking is a good thing
Not everyone is a fan of networking, but the truth is you do get the best results from taking the initiative and using the opportunity to meet people. Results include a) meeting lovely people, b) sometimes getting to work with those lovely people, c) sometimes never hearing anything from them again but having had a laugh or two.It’s good to have an absolutely mad one every now and again
This is where the best stories come from. I recently told a group of teenagers on the bus that life is short and to enjoy their youth, all while clutching a kebab. It’s an embarrassment I will struggle forever to live down, but it is also very funny.You can laugh at the cringe
If you do something embarrassing (see above), learn to laugh about it. I would like my entire life to be a collection of funny stories and oversharing at parties. This is my raison d'etre.If someone says they don’t want a card, get them a card anyway
Just trust me. They act all coy about it, but you know quietly it has made their day. One doth protest too much, Paul Hollywood.You will always owe, and be owed, money
There will be a constant circle of owing each other twenty quid amongst your friends. These are your best ones. They’re good for it.Cake from a cafe tastes better when you share it with someone
It’s just science. Something activates once that second fork enters the cake. The flavour is drawn to the surface of the baked good via magnetism or something. Try it and see.Always carry a portable charger
There are people out there who seem to exist only to constantly remind you about the existence of portable chargers. I am one of those people. Do not leave the house without one of these things. Maybe you don’t need it, but a friend will, because they didn’t listen to your sage advice about the portable charger.Always wear practical shoes when going away
Even if you have limited luggage, always wear practical shoes. Even if they look silly at dinner. You’ll regret it if you don’t.
Kindest regards,
Laura
Paris, 2016
(Yes, from that time when it snowed and the bottom of your fancy pumps fell out and not a single shop upon the Champs-Élysées did a size nine anything.)Speaking of practical shoes…
These rubber heel things from Amazon: MY LORD.Trust the bad vibes
If, when in the company of someone, you come away from the interaction feeling sad, or weird, or off, it’s probably best not to hang out with them again. You don’t owe the benefit of the doubt to anyone but yourself.
Oh dear, that probably wasn’t very funny either. I’m sorry, let’s try again.Rucksacks
I just think we don’t appreciate rucksacks enough. They offer us so much and ask of us so little. Rucksacks: they’re good.You are not a floor sleeping person
I know sometimes you might think of yourself as a worm, but trust me, you are not a worm. You like beds. If you make plans that involve you sleeping without a bed, you have made no plan at all. So, factor the bed into your plans. Book the hotel. Prepare the sleep biscuit. Unfurl the rucksack. There is no alternative, you will need that bed, so just sink the cost up front.
If you enjoyed this trip through whatever this was and would like yet more rules to live by, then perhaps check out my post on the absolute and very real rules for briefing graphic designers. Hopefully, I have just saved you 30 years of effort, and your life can now be buttery smooth and easy thanks to me. Now, grab that rucksack and hit the road, you little scamp.
