10 things to do during quarantine
Designate a Looking Window, and use it to look at people outside. Wonder why these people are outside. Consider, do they look like they live together? Are they related? Are they friends? Are they…meeting up? You could tell if they lived together if you could smell them, they’d have the same detergent (if you don’t tell me that one housemate buys the detergent and the rest pilfer it, you are a liar), but alas, you are at your Looking Window. And smelling is prohibited.
Make up an excuse to have a day drink. Did you get dressed today? Have some wine. Put on some eyeliner? Crack open a cold one. Managed to not have a post-lunch nap? A cheeky tipple. Did you turn off the TV before Netflix asked you whether you were still watching? Get 👏🏻 some 👏🏻 wine👏🏻
Buy some ridiculously expensive cheese to ‘support small businesses’. Do a couple of laps of the living room to justify it to yourself. Eat your pound of cheese from your greedy little hands - minus bread, because you forgot to get it out of the freezer last night. And anyway, isn’t this how the Romans did it? Fistfuls of goats cheese and wine-fuelled profanities. I do hope I don’t get gout.
Start an imaginary argument with anyone you can. There’s nothing much else to do and this will take up a good chunk of mental time.
Ponder the graffiti in the stairwell outside your flat for longer than you have ever done before. Mine says ‘MY OFFICE OKAY’ in alarming capital letters. What does it mean? Who wrote it? Why is this cold, bare staircase an office? Or do they mean their office, located elsewhere, is just ‘okay’? This person needs to get themselves some standards. Could they move office? Nobody will ever know. Staring at it does nothing to solve this mystery.
Put an inordinate amount of jigsaw puzzles in your Amazon basket. Contemplate whether this is bad because it involves getting them delivered and exploiting workers, decide to remove them from your basket and consider cutting out a jigsaw yourself. Could you make a jigsaw? Jan 2020 Laura certainly couldn't, but this is strong, resilient April 2020 Laura who is making her own entertainment. I am woman, hear me roar.
Pray to the gentle and kind lords above, and thank them for not giving you children. Lay a roll or two of toilet roll, as a gift to these gods. Children would make this whole situation rather unbearable. I am blessed.
Get DisneyPlus. Watch Tarzan once, Hercules once, and skim through Moana (the Spotify soundtrack is just as good as watching it anyway). Consider deleting your membership but realise you’ve already generously given the login to three other people, so you keep it, just for them.
Write a blog post. Wonder if it’s insensitive but do it anyway, because you feel like you’ve got lots of words trapped in your head, and absolutely nothing is happening to you or around you, so you don’t know where else to put them. They won’t sit in your brain because it’s quite full at the moment with worry, so you think ‘well, this will have to do for now. I will keep these words here and see how they fare.’
Be thankful for the NHS and also pleased as punch that you’re able to help out just by staying inside. It’s not much of an ask really, is it.
